The Journey to Forgiving Yourself
(Editorial Team, The Immortal Arts©)
After a long day at the office, I was ready to come home, kick my feet up, and rest my very tired, very pregnant feet. During my pregnancy with my son, I was so hungry all of the time. I think more than the average “pregnant woman” hungry. When I arrived at the home, the house was quiet. The only thing I was dreaming about was my bed and a chicken caesar salad. It seemed like I spent hours making a delectable salad. My mouth was watering the entire time I was preparing it. If a fly was on the wall, it would tell you that I was dancing throughout the kitchen in excitement every time I added another ingredient to the bowl.
Finally, it was ready. I grabbed my plate and my drink to head upstairs to my mommy sanctuary. I took three steps. I completely lose control of my footing and I begin to dive stomach first into the next step. I had about a half of a second to decide what to do. Should I save my plate or save my belly? You guessed it. My greedy butt saved my plate.
Afterwards, I felt terrible. As I engulfed my food (don’t judge me), I thought, “I’m going to be a terrible mother”. I figured if I didn’t have the instinct to save my baby while in the womb, then how can I raise him in this world? I began to doubt my ability to be a good mother. I allowed the fear of motherhood to impede deep into my mind, so much so, I began to have irrational thoughts and feelings about what kind of mother I wanted to be versus what kind of mother I was going to become. I was really hard on myself. Later, I went the hospital to make sure everything was ok, and it was. He was perfectly healthy and still is till this day.
In life, we do things that we may feel is unforgivable. There are so many other things that I have done that I can tell you that I am so ashamed of, but I won’t (well maybe one day 🙂 ) But, I had forgiven myself. Otherwise, chaos will never leave my body or my mind. I would live every day in constant turmoil regretting each life mistake while missing out on current precious moments.
Along the way, I have discovered that forgiving myself is vital to my recovery. In order to become healthier, mentally and physically, one would have to feel good about themselves. Recovery is impossible if one is holding on to past mistakes and indiscretions.
You’re probably saying, “Ok, Ashley, we get it, but where do I start?” Well, I’ll tell you. There are a few tricks that I have learned along the way and I would love to share them with you.
In order to forgive yourself, you must:
- Realize the past is in the past: You must realize that there is nothing that you can do about the past. What is done is done. Once you accept that you can’t undo what has already been done, you have better chances of forgiving yourself. There is a quote:
In other words, live for today, not yesterday.
2. Learn from your mistakes: You are unable to change the past, but you are able to change the future. You have control of the choices you decide to make from here on out. Make sure you do not make the same mistakes. I believe everything happens for a reason. There is an old saying, “Grow through what you go through.” Meaning, learn from your mistakes. Ensure that you won’t make the same mistakes because, from experience, you already know the consequences.
3. Realize that you are only human: You are human. You are going to make mistakes. We make mistakes to learn and grow from them. Instead of dreading them, embrace them. Realize that each one is helping you grow into a better person. Each mistake is like a medal of honor. You should wear them proudly because that means you have been through hell and you’ve made it out alive.
4. Replace any negative behavior: Sometimes, our negative behavior may hurt the people that we love and even ourselves. Once you change this behavior, you are less likely to make a mistake that will negatively affect those that are close to you, thus, decreasing the likelihood of a mistake being made.
5. Say “I’m sorry”: Saying I’m sorry goes a long way. It may be easier to forgive yourself if the people you have hurt has forgiven you. Saying “I’m sorry” may be difficult, but it is a start to healing for you and the other person. Apologizing may not fix it. It may not give that person a reason to forgive you. But by taking that first step, you’ll realize that you’ve done all that you can do, and now it is up to that individual to decide whether or not to forgive you. By taking that first step, you’ve already tackled the most difficult part.
6. Start a new chapter: Our life is a book and you can choose how long a chapter lasts. If you’ve done all you can do, now it is time to move on. Self-forgiveness only works if you let go. Realize when it is time to move forward and live each day better than the last.
I hope these help you, but they have helped me. Once I forgave myself, I found it easier to accept the things that I cannot change. It has allowed me to grow closer to my family and it has helped me love myself more than I ever have. We can be our own worst critics, but it creates unnecessary worry that is added to our everyday lives. Who can live like that? Really live! I don’t know and honestly, I don’t want to find out. Thank you advance for reading my thoughts. I hope each and every one of has a wonderful week.
“Self-forgiveness is a long journey. But when we live in its truth, new life awaits. Chains are broken. Dependence, gratitude, and grace permeate our hearts and redefine who we are.”
About the Author :-
She is an incredible young woman who believes in humanity more than the rules humans created to divide. She is a mother of 3 amazing kids. She is passionate about writing and helping others. She tries to motivate others by sharing her ordeals. Her write-ups are filled with personal experience that helps many to understand life.
Author’s Personal Blog :- Harotian Essentials
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